getting back to normal (well as normal as I will ever be)

I think I am finally back to normal. I had a rough week after my little "dying thing". I cant really explain how I felt, I didn't have any thoughts...I was just in the moment and everything felt so off. I always have a million thoughts running through my head and there usually jumbled together with a song I had heard. But I had nothing. I felt very sad and lonely and scared. If any of you have ever seen Final destination where these people somehow cheat death but spend the rest of the movie trying to run to away from death...only to end up all dying in someway or another in the end.....that's kinda what I was expecting. I felt like I made it this far but whats going to get me now. Which with a blood clot still in my lungs and numerous other health issues over my head it didn't seem to unreasonable to think I could die at any moment. All I knew is that I wasn't ready to die and I was very scared to leave my little family.

But I think I'm going to make it :) I'm not 100% yet on feeling all that good but at least I feel like I can actually make it.

Oh how I love my life. Things get hard sometimes but I'm thankful for the hard times...they make the good times so much greater.

I would also like to thank my friends for leaving uplifting messages for me. It's always good to hear that your loved....actually its the best feeling in the world. Thanks

Here but not really?

Well I have like 3 other blogs saved ready to be posted I was just waiting to find the time to down load some pics off of my camera. But I'm skipping all of that and writing a blog about an experience I had yesterday. I'm really not sure where to go from here or how to move on. I know heavenly father is the key part in getting through this and moving on but I cant seem to get past the situation to even pay for guidance.

Many many people have had things happen in there life's (car accidents, surgeries, health problems etc.) that were life threatening or scary. I have had a few. Yesterday changed my views on what it means to feel like your dying.

I woke up and got ready just like everyday, I had a dentist appointment at 9 and other than seeing my mom on her day off it was to be a pretty uneventful day. The day before I got a call from the hospital saying that I tested positive for mono. I guess it's the thing to get around fillmore these days. I also got tested for a lung infection, and some other things, because I was feeling very short of breath and not very good. So anyways after not doing so good at the dentist and feeling quite alot of pain I just wanted to go to my moms and watch a movie or something. Which I did, also my granny came by and we visited for a bit, around 5ish I was thinking about what to have for dinner and thinking that my day had gone by so quickly when my phone rang...it was Doctor telling me that not only had I tested positive for most of the things I had been tested on that because of the mono my spleen and liver were swollen and actually caused a blood clot to go into my lungs. OKEY?...??? so where do we go from there (blood clots of any sort sound bad but in your lungs sounds even worse) he asked if I could possibly be taken up to Utah Valley and have a cat scan done on my lungs to see how bad things were. I sayed yes and he sayed he would get back to me. Then his nurse called back and very calmly and very exactly sayed "crystal can you leave RIGHT now?" and then gave me the run down on what I needed to do (paperwork). She then sayed "your leaving RIGHT now RIGHT??" which made a little nervous. Luckily my mom was home and took me up north. Everything was fine and check in was easy. I began the cat scan with an IV and also some dye stuff which they would run through my veins at certain inter volts to see things better. I was told that eveytime the dye is released I was feel very hot and have bad taste in my mouth.

Tests started and the first dye went through and the thing was wooshing around me, I was feeling a little sick to my tummy but wanted to stay still so they could get a good reading. Then the next shot went through...everything was fine just very hot and then I needed to itch my nose SO bad...the machine stopped and I was so happy I could itch my nose again. I began to itch my nose and blood was all over the nurse came in and ask if I was itchy, I sayed yes and began to sneeze she ran out and yelled for help....then everything was not fine. I could no longer breath my tongue was swollen and the my chest was on fire....I couldn't speak anymore and everything got slow and then black. I remember hearing people all over talking to me and someone calling the ER downstairs with a women (me ) who was 26 weeks and not responsive. I then awoke to a pain on my chest where a nurse was rubbing they had given me something to stop the reaction and I was slowly coming down from it. I still couldn't breath well and my tongue and chest were on fire. after awhile I was feeling quite bad but ould breath but couldn't stop coughing and shaking. I was fine....

but Im NOT fine now. I was gone...and had they not had what they needed I might have stayed gone. I never saw a white light...my life didn't flash before my eyes....but it hit me that this was it...and what a shame....I had so much to see and do. Once again I'm safe and I'm here to do the things I need to, but I cant stop feeling so weird. Everything is not clicking with me and maybe I just need some time to get my head straight. They say your life can change in a blink of an eye...and I never doubted that....it just seems like such a stupid saying right now...I just feel like saying "no you don't understand!" coming home I just kept thinking of my mom listening to the radio and having to drive all the way home knowing that her daughter died, or when Eben called to tell me goodnight...what if he couldn't call me, what if that text I just got went to my phone that I wasn't there to use anymore. How do you tell someone's family that someone they cared about just died.

I know I should just be grateful and happy I'm here. And maybe it wasn't that big of a deal and I especially know that people have had to go through worse things. But I just cant stop thinking about it.....

I wanna be a "super shopper" when I grow up

So I think we have all heard of those people who find coupons and then use them to save large amounts of money....well I wanna be one of those people!

Is anyone out there a "super shopper" or know of someone who is that can give me some tips on finding good deals and stretching there money?

Baby news

All our tests are back and baby Leatham is happy, healthy and is a GIRL!

I found out on the 28th of January which is Eben's birthday. The doc had told me before that it looked more like a girl than a boy, so when he took another look this time he gave me a big thumbs up and sayed "start buyin Pink". I was so happy. I would have been happy either way because I have both boys and a girl now. But the thought of little Ebie having a sister close to her age made me smile. Them sharing a room, staying up late talking, playing barbie's, and of course me getting to dress them alike put a smile on my face that I had a hard time not showing to everyone.

So the plan was since it was Eben's b-day and he didn't know I went to the doc, I would somehow come up with a way to tell him in a fun way. I went the flower shop and got 30 balloons (it was his 30th b-day) and all of them were black (we tease each other all the time about being old...so it was kinda like an over-the-hill joke) and the 30th would be PINK and say "it's a girl" or "baby girl". I was very happy with how it all turned out and how well that Pink balloon stuck out from the rest. I took them to the store (where he works) while he was on lunch break and displayed them for all to see at the front register. All the ladies from the store went crazy and gave me hugs and they all had to stay and see Eben's reaction. I went home and got Eben and took him back to work. He saw the balloons and smiled. I waited for a bit in the car wondering if I should go in or waite for him to come back out...he didn't he just went back to doing what he needed to do. I left and about 15minutes later he called and sayed "are you serious?" I guess he had seen the pink balloon and figured it was just something from Ebie...lol He finally got it and he was super excited. The rest of the day couldn't have been any better.

Oh the fun the we have

Ebie has for sure hit the terrible 2's. Her attitude is fine but she is getting into EVERYTHING! Nothing is out of her reach and if it takes a chair and her stepping stool she will get what she wants. This month has been the worst though. It started with her writing on herself with marker's...almost everyday because at that point the marker's were within her reach (they along with all other writing tools are now put safely away) Then she found the permanent marker and wrote on everything from my light colored kitchen cupboards, to every wall she could get to and everything in between. Then the worst came when she started to get into our hall cupboards(which have all our bathroom needs in them) and use a full thing of night cream to "wash her hair". I COULD not get it out of her HAIR! The shampoo wouldn't even lather....I had to comb the bulk of it our and try to rub in the rest. She had greasy hair for 2 days. Then just when the marker marks on her body had faded and the night cream was finally out of her hair she used a full bottle of liquid foundation to "wash her hair" with and also wash my hallway floor with and if that didn't look pretty enough she applied pretty mascara all over her face and body. The very next morning she found some body butter to "wash her hair" with. Ugh

BUT the best is when Ebie locked herself in our van while it was still running and then couldn't open the door....long story short we didn't have a spare key, my cell phone was in the van with Ebie, and I didnt want to leave her alone to go ask the neighbor's to use there phone....so I broke the window.

body butter

liquid foundation and mascara

night cream

New baby news..

So I had my blood work done and also an "official" ultrasound done to see when exactly I was due.

Eben and I had somewhat decided before I went to the doc's that I was due around the end of June or first part of July. When I went for my first check up the doc sayed the baby was due May 27th because of the size of the baby ect. The "official" ultrasound is now saying I am due June 21st. Closer to when we had first thought. I don't mind not being as far along because I feel like there i so much to get done so this actually gives me almost another month to prepare and get my more completed (we are in the middle of a remodel)

In other news I did have an abnormal blood screening for down syndrome. More tests will be done and it should be all figured out by the end of the month. This does not scare me one bit. I do get a little scared over my family's and extended families reaction to the news. I don't see a need to bring it up at this time. I do ask for your prayer's that the baby will be healthy and happy.

Still no word on what we are having so I guess we will have to waite another month for that.

It's not so bad after all

I'm sure it's a mixture of hormones/being sick/overworked/and having my kids sick that has made me feel picked on...but that was how I really felt(WAS being the key word).
I made dinner which I guess didn't agree with Miss Ebie and she began to throw up..everywhere. I thought "this is it...I have to leave I have to get away" then a small and adorable little voice sayed "eww disgusting" I looked to see my little girl all covered and I felt for her. I smiled and chuckled and repeated what she sayed which made her smile and repeat it again looking down at her soiled shirt. I washed her off and then made a warm lavender bath with bubbles. She splashed and played with the bubbles and she didn't cry ( the best part of it all). I got her out put on her soft lotion, combed what hair she does have and put some eucalyptus all over her back, chest, feet, and head. She was in heaven and truth be known so was I. I decided the dinner mess could Wait and I called the boys in for a equally refreshing bath. They were so happy and calm. I gave each one of them the rub down with lotion and eucalyptus oil. And when it was all sayed and done I had 4 bathed, happy kids snug in there robes and pj's all sitting by the heater and just...being content. It was then that I knew my life was not so bad. That I needed to make myself happy and comfort myself in the wonderful surroundings of my home and family.

Being a mom isn't the most glamours job but it sure the most rewarding. I am thankful for all of my blessing and more thankful for the chances to see how lucky I really am to be a wife and mother.

Mercy...

I cant take it anymore. Yep I sayed it. I can no longer "do everything".

I have been SO icky sick and more often than not I can't even seem to peel myself of of my bed long enough to get anything done around the house. Laundry piles up, dishes over flow and take up my counter's and toys and books have found every spare spot in my house.

In a desperate attempt to ask for help I broke down and asked my 4 hour husband (I get 4 hours of eben before he falls asleep) if he could possibly help me. He of course sayed yes and we began to plan out ways he could help around the house. Right off the bat he sayes he can now do ALL of the laundry....I laughed and sayed lets start small (he has never done a load of laundry since we have been married...9 years) I asked if he could do the dishes everyday, I also sayed it would help alot if he put his laundry in the laundry hamper (he has a thing with taking off his socks wherever and then hiding them so I wont get mad and tell him to put them in the laundry) I sayed it would also help if you threw your garbage in the actual trash and not shove candy wrapper's and other goodies under the bed, in the couch, and of course the classic...the cupboards??? He agreed to this all and feeling like I had asked him to save the world he sayed "is that enough" this kinda made me mad and I sayed well you could help with dinner. 2 nights a week I thought it he could either pick something up or make something. He agreed and that night he got to work doing the dishes and putting his dirty laundry in the hamper. It was all down hill from there. He did do the dishes...whenever he got around to them or when I asked him to do them. He slowly began leaving his laundry wherever again and he never did attempt to throw his garbage away....and no meals were made or planned. 2 weeks later and 3 dish loads behind ...defeated and annoyed I took back my dishes and assumed my position as "maid".

I'm completely fine doing any kind of house work and I actually enjoy making things look nice. But at this point I can only do so much. Today as my wee ones are all in the middle of being sick with a nasty cold, Ebie, with tear covered eyes put her little arms out and sayed "hold you"? I just cried and picked her up. Where was someone to pick me up and "hold me" and make everything better. Who knew growing up would mean you would no longer have comfort and help when you needed it.

Playing photographer

Trinity and Angie

Liza and Kords Sampler

Christmas was wonderful

Leatham Christmas party




Christmas morning

Christmas Eve



-Christmas Eve-
We had everyone on my moms side(Andersons)except for my cousin Mandy. We had fun eating and joking around and of course watching the kids open there presents was a hoot! We let the kids open one gift (picked by me) which happened to be a new set of pj's and a robe for each of the kids. They went crazy and loved how soft everything was. We finished putting the boys gifts from gramma Val together and we watched movies. Santa was up pretty late making sure everything was just right for the next morning.
-Christmas day-
The kids woke up around 9ish (it was a good idea to let them stay up late the night before) and they ran for the presents. They each received 2 gifts from mom and dad (1 clothes, and 2 there big gifts)Everything the kids got had lots of pieces which is really nice because they don't get bored. We put together everything and then we had to go over the Leathams for some yummy dinner. Then back home for some more family time....what a nice change compared to the last years of running from place to place.
-Leatham Christmas party-
Everyone showed up to this awesome party! it was at the church so there was plenty of room. We ate and talked and then it was time for the Nativity story....it was WAY too CUTE! All the kids did so good and no one was grumpy. Then it was time for our gift exchange. The theme was "something you either made or something you already had" everyone did so well and made such cute things.

Getting ahead of myself

Okey so today I called the doctors office to make another appointment to see how baby leatham is doing. The receptionist mentioned I would be 18 weeks when I come in for the check-up and that they might be able to see the sex of the baby. WHAT? WOW?!!! when did this happen? I'm not that far along am I? Don't get me wrong I don't mind that I'm further along than I was thinking (every pregnant women's dream). But my life is just running away from me. Ive spent all this time being sick and miserable and not enjoying my life.

I'm stuck in the middle on whether or not to find out what we are having. We started off thinking that for sure we wouldn't find out...we have both boys and a girl so really why not wait and be super surprised? Well TEMPTATION snuck in :) All the sudden both me and Eben are thinking maybe it wouldn't be such a big deal to just find out. So here is what we have come up with: we will have the doc check and then write down what the sex of the baby is on a piece of paper. We will then make the decision of whether or not we will be "finding out" or not. I almost think I will be less tempted to look at the paper knowing that it's right at my finger tips..."do I really want to ruin the surprise" kind of deal. We will see I guess. If we just have know then we will wait to look at the paper on Eben's Birthday (January 28th).

As good as it's gonna get

Our family pictures were going to be great this year....everyone was going to be smiling and looking good.

Well that just didn't work. Between me not feeling very good at all, Eben working until it's dark every night, and having to much to do. We just couldn't get around to getting a family picture so one day after church we just went for it and sadly my camera wasn't being to good, it was getting dark, and worst of all the kids were freezing. We took 3 shot and we happily said "that's good enough" and we ran to our warm van. I hate my hair and have since had it cut and shaped better, and my happy little Ebie isn't even smiling. But this is as good as it gets and these are our 2008 family pictures. Next year we will have a new little person in our picture :)

I think the second one is my favorite but I don't know if I should use regular color, black and white, or sepia. So please give your input.

Im not alone

It seems like the more blogs I read and more and more people I talk to feel the same way I do...RUSHED!!!

I am not ready for the holidays to be over. I have alot to get done but most of all I have really really understood the wonder of Jesus' birth. I know how special it is to have a baby and what a wonderful thing it is to fall in love with a special little soul immediately. So it is far beyond my comprehension to think of how special it must have been for Mary to give birth to a super special soul who would someday do the most important thing in world...and the hardship she must have felt knowing that someday he would die for our sins. That moment in time must have felt like..well heaven. It makes me very proud of her and her strength and I know how special her and Joseph must have been for Heavenly Father to choose them to raise his son.

I have always loved Christmas. I love the snow (which we actually have alot of...yippy) the lights, the wonderful feeling you have around the holidays. It's all just a wonderful thing and I'm NOT ready for it all to be done.

I love Love Love the Christmas Holiday and feel so blessed and happy this year.

Sisterly love

I always wanted a sister, which I do but she is 10 years younger than me and is somehow living on a different planet called "planet teenager". I love her to pieces and have become more close to her over the last few years but realistically I feel more like a mom to her than a sister. I am blessed with wonderful sister-in-laws who I can easily talk to and hang out with. There is one of my sister-in-laws that fits in the "favorite" category though. That's my sister-in-law Signe. Her and I do all the things that I always wanted to do with my sister when I grew up. I love to get together with her, we visit, the kids run a muck and we always find something to make (we sew alot). I feel like I can tell her anything and I think she feels the same way.

I am also very inspired by the way she just gets things done...she's not really afraid of anything.

Tonight we cut out little cowboy chaps for our boys for Christmas, we laughed and had a great time and as I left I felt very grateful...and realized how much Signe means to me and how much she reminds me of a "sister" it made me more aware of how much it means to have her in my life and in my family.

This picture is from a few years ago on my birthday. Marie, Sarah, me, and Signe

Dazed and Confused

I don't know where my head is at these days? I have been SO excited for Christmas time to come around and now that it's here it's just flying by. I'm still hard at work making homemade gifts for my kids and family. I did get most of my real shopping done and I am finally on the last stretch of decorating my house.

That might sound like I'm on the right path but I wanted all of that stuff done before December so I could just sit back and enjoy the month of December. Doing crafts with the kids, teaching them everyday the meaning of Christmas and all those other fun things we like to do for Christmas.

I don't know everything just seems to be going way to fast and before you know it Christmas will be done and gone...and I'm NOT ready for that.

I do have to say I am very grateful for our snowfall yesterday. I love snow in December...and only in December I hate it any other month...but Christmas time needs snow.

I hope to get some new pictures up and I REALLLY hope I get my family pictures done soon.

Joseph B. Wirthlin passes away

He passed away peacefully in his own bed and that to me is the best thing in the world...everyone should be so lucky.

I have great respect for Elder Joseph B. Wirthlin, I looked forward to his talks because he reminded me of a wise old turtle. His talks were simple and to the point. He will be missed but I am very happy for him.

http://www.ksl.com/index.php?nid=148&sid=4956387

Very Thankful...

This Thanksgiving I cant even explain just how grateful I truely am. I couldn't even ask for more than I have.

About 4 or 5 weeks ago we found out we were having a new baby and we could not be more excited about it. We are getting to have quite a big family and even with the 4 kids people actually looked at us as circus freaks anytime we were out of Utah, so when we found out that number 5 was on it's way we were a little scared of people's reactions. But we were pleasantly suprised when people found joy in our new baby. I usually have a miscarriage before I can carry full term and I was a little scared to tell anyone that we were exspectng but I really had a peaceful feeling about everything and I was too excited not to tell everyone I could so we went for it and sent out a mass picture message to family and friends telling them we were going to have another baby.

Well 3 weeks ago I began to cramp alot and bleed. I knew what was happening but I couldn't bare tell anyone but Eben. I wanted my baby so bad and I wasn't going to let it be all gone just like that. After a week of misery and pain the bleeding stopped. I still had morning sickness and I "felt pregnant" but in the back of my mind I knew it probly wasn't possible. I made an appointment with the doctor to see if he could do an ultrasound but they couldn't get me in until the 28th....a very long ways away. As the weeks past I still had morning sickness and still didn't really want to talk to anyone about it. Today is the 28th and I did have an ultrasound.....And my perfect baby was there clear as day...kicking, and moving. I just cried. I could have watched it all day long. Taitum was there also because he had to have a check up so he got to see his new brother or sister and he even showed the doctor where the legs and arms were. My placenta is in the wrong place at this point and it was causing all the cramping and bleeding. What a relief! He actually bumped my due date from the end of June to the end of May. I have 6 weeks until I can see the sex of the baby.

Jacks in my fridge!

These are the things that make my day worth it. I dont know who put Jack in the fridge but there he was this afternoon when I went to make lunch for the kids.

Something old and something new

On Sunday Eben and I celebrated our 9 year anniversary. Wow?!? Who knew we would make it this long..lol In the beginning I for sure had little faith in our relateionship, but oh how the tables have turned.

10 reason's I love being married to Eben
1. He always makes sure I have some kind of special treat each day
2. I can make him to all my phone calling (I hate talking on the phone)
3. He is a wonderfully amazing and understanding dad to our kids.
4. He knows how to fix everything.
5. He will watch my "stupid" shows with me even though he is hating every minute.
6. He pretends like he cares even if he doesn't :)
7. He excepts my flaws and tries to make me except them too.
8. Sometimes he suprises me and will sweep, or do the dishes.
9. He is the most handsome thing I have ever seen.
10. His laugh is so silly that it will make me laugh even if Im really mad.

In the beginning we went all out for our anniversary but for the last 2 years we have been in some foreign lands (Idaho and Alaska...how much more foreign can you get) with no babysitter's. So we had to find the simple joy in renting a movie and watching it with the kids. This year we are not in a foreign land but quite comfortable and very excited about renting a movie with the kids and having a nice quiet evening at home.

Our Anniversary landed on Sunday so we took a long quiet drive in the mountains looking for deer and enjoying the sounds of the kids singing churh songs (ebie included) we then broke the rules and went out to eat. Then we came home to show the kids mommy and daddy's gift to each other. A flat screen big ol' TV. Im not a huge fan and we dont have the money for it but eben's boss gave us a slammin deal and we have a charge account :) Plus Im shacking up with the manager...that has to count for something right ;)

The kids went crazy! What an exciting event at the Leatham home. We have went with out a TV for a long time now so the kids had fun looking through the channels and deciding what they were going to watch. After that we put in our new movie "Indianna Jones" that simply blew the kids minds. So all in all we had the best time.

Halloween pictures...finally

It's taken me awhile but I finally got the Halloween pictures off of my camera.

We had SO much fun this Halloween! It was such nice weather! We just strolled around the neighborhood and then we went to the ward party...which is always interesting. We weren't really planning on going this year but the kids really wanted to go.
Ebie was Rainbow Brite this year....please say you all know who Rainbow Brite is? Cause there were SO many people who didn't??!? The ones who did know who she was went crazy over Ebie's costume which was nice...that was the plan :) I made up the costume the night before and did the finishing touches Halloween day. It didn't turn out as well as I wanted it to...but I was happy that it actually worked out I had no pattern to go on and I got stumped alot.
Taitum was a monkey(monkey George actually)
Joshua was a vampire and looked really cute his costume was SO much easier than Ebie's.
Kamryn was sadly Darth Vader, he had wanted to be Indiana Jones but we never got up north to get him an outfit...poor guy