Saturday, March 21, 2009

getting back to normal (well as normal as I will ever be)

I think I am finally back to normal. I had a rough week after my little "dying thing". I cant really explain how I felt, I didn't have any thoughts...I was just in the moment and everything felt so off. I always have a million thoughts running through my head and there usually jumbled together with a song I had heard. But I had nothing. I felt very sad and lonely and scared. If any of you have ever seen Final destination where these people somehow cheat death but spend the rest of the movie trying to run to away from death...only to end up all dying in someway or another in the end.....that's kinda what I was expecting. I felt like I made it this far but whats going to get me now. Which with a blood clot still in my lungs and numerous other health issues over my head it didn't seem to unreasonable to think I could die at any moment. All I knew is that I wasn't ready to die and I was very scared to leave my little family.

But I think I'm going to make it :) I'm not 100% yet on feeling all that good but at least I feel like I can actually make it.

Oh how I love my life. Things get hard sometimes but I'm thankful for the hard times...they make the good times so much greater.

I would also like to thank my friends for leaving uplifting messages for me. It's always good to hear that your loved....actually its the best feeling in the world. Thanks

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

Happy to hear that things seem to be getting back on track so to say for you! Been thnking lots about how you are!
Take Care!

Anonymous said...

I am so sorry to hear that happened to you. I am so glad that you have a blog and I can keep up to date with you. I hope that you feel well soon.

Becca said...

"The way may be difficult at times, but I will always be there" and I know he is. Sorry you have had to go through sooooooo much. I hope you and your baby are doing good now.