I would never do that...

When I was pregnant with Kamryn I had a little list of things I would never do as a mother. But now 5 kids and 9 years later I realize I have broken alot of them and it makes me wonder exactly what happened to make me break those "mommy rules" along the way.
1- Sugar only on special occasions.
-I held onto this for awhile and probably did the best I could up until my little Taitum was born and candy was a way to show my kids that I loved them because I was SOO busy trying to keep Taitum happy(he had a bad case of colic). Sadly I don't think the kids go a day without having some form of sugar.
2- I was never going to spank my kids
-I have spanked my kids, sometimes as a punishment and sometimes out of anger for there actions. This one makes me sad and although I think kids can learn from a spankin I don't think its necessary. Although it has happened in the past our form of punishment usually falls on either time outs and having personal items taken away for bad actions.
3- I was going to try not to yell around or at my kids
-that one lasted until Kamryn hit the "terrible two's.
4- My kids would never go to public school.
- This is something I wish I could have stuck with. I read the book "Education of Thomas Jefferson" and I loved it. That was always my plan for my kids and I did well until my little Taitum was born and needed so much attention. I'm not a huge fan of public school but I'm glad the kids have somewhere to learn when I don't have time or energy to help them.
5- My kids will always be seen in public but not heard unless asked to speak.
- If anyone saw me on the 4th of July trying to control my kids and keep track of them will know that I didnt do so good with that rule.

These are just a few of the things that fell to the way side when more and more kids came into our family. I still love all 5 of my rules and work everyday to get back to them. I do understand that some of the other rules that I made will never be broken and some just don't apply anymore.

Being a mom is so hard and yet so rewarding. It seems so easy before you have kids. I know I make mistakes and I know I wont win a prize for being the best mom but I hope to always do my best.

As the holidays approach quickly I am always reminded of this "wonderful mom" I wanted to be and the mistakes I have made along the way. I think the best advise I have ever been given was to never think "Its too late". I love that thought, I always set my sights way too high around the holidays and this year is no different but this year Im not going to worry about what I didn't do but focus more on what I can do. I hope this holiday season of traditions and fun activity's is the best yet. I am determined to spend what time I do have with my kids being happy and active with them.

3 months already!

Wow how time has flown by! My little girl is already 3 months old!
She is already a traveler, we made a trip in August to Texas for a Radio Shack convention and Lily and Ebie came along. We saw Colorado, New Mexico, Oklahoma, and of course Texas. In the last 3 months we have been so blessed to have such a special little girl in our lives. Her brother's and sister love her to death and of course her mommy and daddy are pretty fond of her too ;)
I had a hard time adjusting to 5 children at first and also a mistake I had made...I confess I named my baby the WRONG name! I have a close friend who used to tell me that she was scared she would name her kids the "wrong" name. I never thought too much about this because I figured it would work out in the end and whatever name you chose for your baby would be the "right" name. So I set out in the beginning of my pregnancy the same way most mothers do, I was set on finding the best name for my little one. I had so many names I liked but there was one name that just made me smile every time I sayed it "Lily". It was settled the moment I presented the name to Eben and he actually agreed that he liked it too(something we struggle with anytime we talk about baby names).
So when the day came and we found out we were having a little girl we excitedly started to refer to our little one as "lily" soon after we realized we had a problem when people started asking what we would name another girl referring to a stupid tradition my husband started by calling all of his boys Eben. I had no intentions on using "eben" in any form when it came to naming my girls. But after being surprised with a pretty little girl February 18th 2007 we came upon a delima when the names we agreed to and picked out were already taken or very overdone. Everyone joked about girl versions of Eben but that was out. I always called Eben "ebey" and had mentioned I wanted to use it for our little girl but he had veto's it quickly. But as we came up blank on what to name our new little girl "ebie" just fit. So she was named after her daddy and her mommy (Ebie Lynn).
So now we were in a pickle, we couldn't have all our kids named after eben EXCEPT Lily...BUT then Eben suggested that we use "lynn" for all the girls and I liked that alot. Little Lily Lynn Leatham....it was kinda cute and fun to say. But we just kept getting flack from people. So I set out to find an "eben" name for our little girl. And one day I thought of "Ebrie" it sounded soo pretty and unique. I sayed Ebrie Lily a hundred times a day and it still sounded dumb. I needed to either have a "Lily" or a "Ebrie" because the combination sounded way too weird. So I began to think about just naming her Ebrie Elaine(after my granny) I liked it alot but I still wanted my little Lily. What a pickle I put myself in. And to make it worse everyone called my belly Lily. I figured the day she was born I would know what to do and who this little girl was.
Well she came out and she was NOT a "Lily" she looked like a "Ebrie" but everyone was already calling her Lily and then it also accured to me Ebrie and Ebie sound a whole lot like each other....ugh why I had I not noticed this before? All I did is stick an "R" in Ebie...duh
So when I was asked what her name was I sayed Ebrie Lily Leatham with no conviction at all. I was so bummed. But I just had to get used to it. For awhile after she was called both Lily and Ebrie and I loved when people called her Ebrie. But 3 months into it and she is officially Lily and it has grown on me but I'm not convinced.
What kind of flake-mom am I to not even be sure that the name I named my baby is right for her? ugh what an idiot. I have told Eben over and over that I was supposed to have twins "Ebrie Elaine" and "Lily Lynn". I find myself calling her all kinds of names lil,ebrie,brie, lily lynn, moosey, lue lue, and for some reason "mama" in a little spanish ancient...??? what is wrong with me? And what have I done? I have issues :) to say the least.

Other than me having a day to day break down over what I named my little girl the last 3 months has been so much fun. I am grateful for my precious little girl (whatever her name is :)

Too little...

too late? I hope not.

I have SO not been doing good with blogging lately. So much has happened since I last blogged about the birth of Lily I kind of don't know where to even begin. Because it late and I should have more free time this week I will try to catch up in another blog but for now I wanted to post Lily's birth announcement pictures.

SHE'S HERE!!!

Ebrie Lily Leatham is finally here!
Date- June 14th 2009
Time- 8:20 p.m.
Weight- 7lbs 10oz
Length- 20 1/2 inches



I made it! finally she is here! And boy do we just love her! She somehow came out with dark black hair and brown eyes...?? I dunno? She is bigger than all of my baby's and even though I came well prepared with an adorable "daddy's girl" preemie outfit we had to go home in an over sized outfit picked out quickly by her dad after finding that the preemie outfit only came to her knee :)

The birth went well. After contracting for a week or so and being woke up in the middle of the night with labor pains...I called my midwife and she came down Sunday afternoon to start me. Everything was going good and by 2:00 p.m. I was in full blown labor. I had every intention on staying home and laboring in my quiet little house and having the "most amazing" well planned birth ever I chicken out and began to have a full blown panic attack when I reached 6 or 7 cm and realized "I cant do this". I called it quites and rushed to the hospital for my "drugs". Eben had called ahead and made sure that the guy from Fillmore was here to give me an epidural and I wouldn't have to wait for the guy from Delta to get here. I walked in and straight to the birthing room and tried to stay calm as I quickly realized it might be to late and not only was stuck at the hospital but I was going to have to go through all the pain of giving birth to a baby naturally again. My midwife came to the hospital to give me support and as an hour passed I knew time was getting close but I was determined to get that relief before I had to push a baby out. Finally the epidural guy got there (the Fillmore guy ended up being out of town for dinner so I was waiting for the other guy to get there from delta) he quickly "hooked me up" with a wonderful pain numbing dose. I could finally bare to live again...I was really at the point of thinking I would rather die...lol From there I sat comfy cozy in my bed waiting for the doctor to get there and when he did he checked me and sayed "it's time" I'll go get dressed. I felt the epidural wearing off and I would have liked another dose I decided to buck up and get this done. When the doc got his scrubs on I got to work giving my best pushes to get baby Lily out. But one of my worst fears showed it's ugly face when she decided to come face up(all of my kids have come that way except for Ebie) my pelvis has issues and as she was making her was out she was stuck. I knew I didn't want a c-section so I gave it my all for 45 minutes and had my dose changed so I could really feel what I was supposed to be doing. Finally she came out...lookin like a MOOSE! She looked alot bigger than she was but still! Everything went well and she was in great health.

I really enjoyed my hospital birth and my doctor and nurses were amazing and very understanding and respectful of what I wanted and didn't want. We didn't stay long and with the doctor's ok we left that night at midnight to our comfy home.

About to pop? no...about to scream!

If I am asked one more time "if I'm going to POP" I will have to just start to scream! And that goes for "oh you poor thing", "that baby isn't here yet?" "your running out of room arn't ya", "you know what causes that dontcha(hate that one the most)", or one of the worst things....when people just laugh in pity...???

Technically I am not DUE until the 21st of June. They keep moving things around but I really haven't informed anyone about changes with my due date so why is it for the last 3 weeks I have had to put up with these questions? I know I am huge and I may look super done but that's the last thing I want to hear from people. First of all I HAVE a mirror and the simple fact that I haven't been able to fit into regular maternity clothes for the last month lets me know that I AM HUGE! So please save your "oh so clever" remarks to yourself...lol

I'm actually not that annoyed I just wish there was a like a group home for fat pregnant people :) somewhere you went when you got "to fat for public viewing" somewhere where other fat mother's who just want to be left alone could go. I refuse to go to the store, church, and always can find an excuse to stay in the car when we go anywhere.

Here's some belly pics we took a couple of days ago, I almost skipped over them this time around but I figured because I was having a girl she might enjoy them when she starts having kids of her own. And no I didn't somehow grow hair over night, it's just a fun little clip on thing...ebie and I like to clip it on here and there for fun. I will probably never have hair that long because I CAN NOT stand having long hair so it's fun to get to clip something in and then take it out when I'm tired of it.

click..take a pic

Kids being kids

growing a potty...

Taitum (my 4 year old) ask me today when Ebie was going to grow a potty? Me not really knowing what he was asking(he asks alot of questions daily..that really have no purpose and no way of answering)I just sayed "i dunno son" and went on with what I was doing. He looked very puzzled and then sayed "but mom if she doesn't have a potty how will she go camping?". Now at this point I am really trying to understand what he is asking. So I made him start over, "what did you ask me?" he repeated that he wants to know when Ebie will grow a potty? Then is hit me, since we dont really use a particular name for "girl and boy" parts the most used would be "potty". I really never thought about having to explain what makes girls and boys different, after all sharing one bathroom often leaves kids running in and out while eben and I are showering and even using the bathroom. But I guess we skipped that part. I quickly gave Taitum a run down on why girls and boys were different and tried to explain that Ebie will never grow a "potty". lol

Something worth living for

Bloggity mash up

With a new zest for procrastination I have fallen behind on my blogging. I still haven't even blogged about Ebie's 2nd Birthday which was the 18th of February. (but you wont see that post anytime soon because all of her birthday pictures are downloaded to our other very very slow computer.

EASTER 2009
What a nice Easter was had! It has been one of the best in our history with kids. Very layed back very organized and very very fun! The kids made bank on fun Easter stuff. That was probably the best part...eating candy and playing with new crayons, little toys and bubbles. Life just doesn't get much better :) And the Easter eggs hunt was a hoot to watch! Ebie was shocked and so excited when she would find an egg or a treat. And Taitum was to busy making sure his brother and his parents saw every single thing he found. And the older boys were in total race mode trying to gather up all there goodies as fast as they could.



JOSH'S SPECIAL DAY
Now that the kids are older I decided they needed to have a day to themselves with just there mom and dad. So Josh was first this year, he had a fun little party at the pod with all his friends...and that was a site to see...a bunch on 1st graders trying to skate (most for the first time) they crashed over and over and into each other and I knew that there was no way the party would end without some major damage done to 1 or more of those kids. But low and behold somehow they all crashed and burned and no broken bones or tears shed. They all had alot of fun and most importantly Josh was totally thrilled. After the clean up we went home to check out his loot (because if you have ever been to any kind of little kid party you know there is a mad dash to open all the presents and try to guard them all from your friends..lol) all the kids spoiled Josh, he got some really fun things to play with. Then it was time for a small family party.
Two days later Josh and me headed up north brite and early to go to some yard sales (which were totally not worth anything) because Josh had money burning a hole in his pocket and it was killing him. After not finding much of anything we went to Kid to Kid to get some new clothes for him. He went crazy! If you know Josh you know that he is content with the little things in life, give him something green or a polar bear and he is done. So after finding a few shirts he liked and a pair of shoes he began to find things for his brother's and sisters...luckly everything he was picking out was actually very cute stuff so I told him to get whatever he wanted. Then it was off to my sister-in-laws baby shower. After that I was pretty much done and in alot of pain but not wanting to ruin Josh's day we headed off to Build a bear. For some reason they didn't have a polar bear...ugh so Josh proclaimed he would just get a light colored bear and pretend like it was a dirty polar bear :) He had a blast making his bear which he named "buildy"...so clever ;) Then came the hard part..picking out the clothes. They are really quite pricey and I told Josh he had to look through all the clothes and then pick 1 outfit and after that he could get another outfit with his own money. After dressing his new bear he picked out a Jazz outfit and an igloo for his bear to live in. He asked me to help him count his money and after paying for the Jazz uniform and the igloo he would only have a dollar left he quickly grabbed everything out of my hands and sayed "I'm not paying for that! what a rip off!" lol We left with Buildy and one outfit..all payed for by MOM :) We then got his pictures taken and then Josh just had to look around the mall (to which I agreed but really just wanted to cry). Then off to Target where we hit the mother load! The dollar section just threw Josh for a complete loop! So much to buy and so little money :) He kept grabbing stuff and then recounting everything to make sure he wasn't going over his budget. I heard "don't over spend" "don't over spend" quite a few times and alot of "oh COOL!" "WOWZA". After he had finally decided what he wanted for sure we started to leave and then he saw it....the garden section! He screamed in delight! "I HAVE ALWAYS WANTED TO BE A GARDENER!" he quickly went to town picking seeds, little planters, gloves, etc. My favorite purchases were the little garden gnome in which he exclaimed "A GARDEN GNOME! I HAVE TO HAVE A GARDEN GNOME!" and a book called "gardening for dummies". He was in heaven, and so was I. He had to look around the store but the whole time he just kept jumping up and down telling me how excited he was to have a garden and that now when someone asks him what his does..he can tell them he is a gardener..lol
Our day together was so much fun and I really got to know Josh better and really got to enjoy his personality. He is such a special kid I am SO lucky to have him :)He kept saying how that was the best day of his life.

BABY NEWS
I recently went to a doctors appointment in which he officially decided my due date was off. Which makes more sense to me according to the time line in which I have felt the baby move, the way I feel at curtain points of my pregnancy,etc. He told me the end of May (which we had first figured on) and then I added 2 weeks (cause I always seem to go over about that much) and so we are thinking around the second week of June. I am super excited and also a little scared to think of the lack of time I have to get my house in order. I do not want to be having to worry about my house when I have a new baby to hold and cherish. I'm kinda riding the fence on whether I will deliver at the hospital or at home. I want to deliver at home for sure, but with our new insurance it's actually cheaper to have a baby at the hospital and since I have had such horrible complications this time around it makes me nervous to have anything go wrong at home not because I don't think my midwife can't handle anything that comes along but more so about what kind of flack I will get from people saying "see you shouldn't have your baby at home". So I guess it's just a waiting game. Something I will have to keep praying about and see how I feel when the time comes.

NEED ADVICE

Okey I am a huge fan of doing laundry (I know I'm weird...but does it help that I really hate putting my clothes away?) I use alot of different products when I am washing(spray and wash, oxy clean, borax, bleach, color safe bleach, etc.) and I cant let a piece of clothing go through the wash without having every stain taken care of.
BUT! I need advice on my bed sheets and also my whites. I use the recommended amount of bleach in the wash cycle with my whites but they never look "white" and I just bought some new white sheets thinking they would be so easy to take care of(after all hotels have white sheets all the time)but for some reason they are looking all yucky looking and every stain shows up even if I use spray and wash and use bleach.

WHAT AM I DOING WRONG? Please someone tell me what I'm doing wrong?

doin what I like to do

After my little "brush with death" I have really thought about whats important to me and what I really need to work on. Being a mom is the #1 right now. I haven't even picked up my camera since I went to the hospital. I just wanted everything to stay simple (if that makes sense?) But I have gotten a few calls about doing wedding photography. I have decided maybe weddings are a little much for me but I have decided to do engagement and bridal pics (that way if I mess up they still have time to go have other pictures taken) I wasn't sure I even wanted to do any kinda of photography anymore, so I decided to just do pictures for free...why should someone have to pay me to do what I like to do?

Today I awoke to more snow(of course) which made me nervous because I was supposed to be taking engagement photo's for Christa and Tyler. I hoped that the snow would stop...but no luck. We decided to just go ahead and take some pictures. I had so much fun! I did go a little blank when it came to doing poses but it turned out good. I was so happy that they were both so understanding and so willing to enjoy our photo session. here's a little sampler.

getting back to normal (well as normal as I will ever be)

I think I am finally back to normal. I had a rough week after my little "dying thing". I cant really explain how I felt, I didn't have any thoughts...I was just in the moment and everything felt so off. I always have a million thoughts running through my head and there usually jumbled together with a song I had heard. But I had nothing. I felt very sad and lonely and scared. If any of you have ever seen Final destination where these people somehow cheat death but spend the rest of the movie trying to run to away from death...only to end up all dying in someway or another in the end.....that's kinda what I was expecting. I felt like I made it this far but whats going to get me now. Which with a blood clot still in my lungs and numerous other health issues over my head it didn't seem to unreasonable to think I could die at any moment. All I knew is that I wasn't ready to die and I was very scared to leave my little family.

But I think I'm going to make it :) I'm not 100% yet on feeling all that good but at least I feel like I can actually make it.

Oh how I love my life. Things get hard sometimes but I'm thankful for the hard times...they make the good times so much greater.

I would also like to thank my friends for leaving uplifting messages for me. It's always good to hear that your loved....actually its the best feeling in the world. Thanks

Here but not really?

Well I have like 3 other blogs saved ready to be posted I was just waiting to find the time to down load some pics off of my camera. But I'm skipping all of that and writing a blog about an experience I had yesterday. I'm really not sure where to go from here or how to move on. I know heavenly father is the key part in getting through this and moving on but I cant seem to get past the situation to even pay for guidance.

Many many people have had things happen in there life's (car accidents, surgeries, health problems etc.) that were life threatening or scary. I have had a few. Yesterday changed my views on what it means to feel like your dying.

I woke up and got ready just like everyday, I had a dentist appointment at 9 and other than seeing my mom on her day off it was to be a pretty uneventful day. The day before I got a call from the hospital saying that I tested positive for mono. I guess it's the thing to get around fillmore these days. I also got tested for a lung infection, and some other things, because I was feeling very short of breath and not very good. So anyways after not doing so good at the dentist and feeling quite alot of pain I just wanted to go to my moms and watch a movie or something. Which I did, also my granny came by and we visited for a bit, around 5ish I was thinking about what to have for dinner and thinking that my day had gone by so quickly when my phone rang...it was Doctor telling me that not only had I tested positive for most of the things I had been tested on that because of the mono my spleen and liver were swollen and actually caused a blood clot to go into my lungs. OKEY?...??? so where do we go from there (blood clots of any sort sound bad but in your lungs sounds even worse) he asked if I could possibly be taken up to Utah Valley and have a cat scan done on my lungs to see how bad things were. I sayed yes and he sayed he would get back to me. Then his nurse called back and very calmly and very exactly sayed "crystal can you leave RIGHT now?" and then gave me the run down on what I needed to do (paperwork). She then sayed "your leaving RIGHT now RIGHT??" which made a little nervous. Luckily my mom was home and took me up north. Everything was fine and check in was easy. I began the cat scan with an IV and also some dye stuff which they would run through my veins at certain inter volts to see things better. I was told that eveytime the dye is released I was feel very hot and have bad taste in my mouth.

Tests started and the first dye went through and the thing was wooshing around me, I was feeling a little sick to my tummy but wanted to stay still so they could get a good reading. Then the next shot went through...everything was fine just very hot and then I needed to itch my nose SO bad...the machine stopped and I was so happy I could itch my nose again. I began to itch my nose and blood was all over the nurse came in and ask if I was itchy, I sayed yes and began to sneeze she ran out and yelled for help....then everything was not fine. I could no longer breath my tongue was swollen and the my chest was on fire....I couldn't speak anymore and everything got slow and then black. I remember hearing people all over talking to me and someone calling the ER downstairs with a women (me ) who was 26 weeks and not responsive. I then awoke to a pain on my chest where a nurse was rubbing they had given me something to stop the reaction and I was slowly coming down from it. I still couldn't breath well and my tongue and chest were on fire. after awhile I was feeling quite bad but ould breath but couldn't stop coughing and shaking. I was fine....

but Im NOT fine now. I was gone...and had they not had what they needed I might have stayed gone. I never saw a white light...my life didn't flash before my eyes....but it hit me that this was it...and what a shame....I had so much to see and do. Once again I'm safe and I'm here to do the things I need to, but I cant stop feeling so weird. Everything is not clicking with me and maybe I just need some time to get my head straight. They say your life can change in a blink of an eye...and I never doubted that....it just seems like such a stupid saying right now...I just feel like saying "no you don't understand!" coming home I just kept thinking of my mom listening to the radio and having to drive all the way home knowing that her daughter died, or when Eben called to tell me goodnight...what if he couldn't call me, what if that text I just got went to my phone that I wasn't there to use anymore. How do you tell someone's family that someone they cared about just died.

I know I should just be grateful and happy I'm here. And maybe it wasn't that big of a deal and I especially know that people have had to go through worse things. But I just cant stop thinking about it.....

I wanna be a "super shopper" when I grow up

So I think we have all heard of those people who find coupons and then use them to save large amounts of money....well I wanna be one of those people!

Is anyone out there a "super shopper" or know of someone who is that can give me some tips on finding good deals and stretching there money?

Baby news

All our tests are back and baby Leatham is happy, healthy and is a GIRL!

I found out on the 28th of January which is Eben's birthday. The doc had told me before that it looked more like a girl than a boy, so when he took another look this time he gave me a big thumbs up and sayed "start buyin Pink". I was so happy. I would have been happy either way because I have both boys and a girl now. But the thought of little Ebie having a sister close to her age made me smile. Them sharing a room, staying up late talking, playing barbie's, and of course me getting to dress them alike put a smile on my face that I had a hard time not showing to everyone.

So the plan was since it was Eben's b-day and he didn't know I went to the doc, I would somehow come up with a way to tell him in a fun way. I went the flower shop and got 30 balloons (it was his 30th b-day) and all of them were black (we tease each other all the time about being old...so it was kinda like an over-the-hill joke) and the 30th would be PINK and say "it's a girl" or "baby girl". I was very happy with how it all turned out and how well that Pink balloon stuck out from the rest. I took them to the store (where he works) while he was on lunch break and displayed them for all to see at the front register. All the ladies from the store went crazy and gave me hugs and they all had to stay and see Eben's reaction. I went home and got Eben and took him back to work. He saw the balloons and smiled. I waited for a bit in the car wondering if I should go in or waite for him to come back out...he didn't he just went back to doing what he needed to do. I left and about 15minutes later he called and sayed "are you serious?" I guess he had seen the pink balloon and figured it was just something from Ebie...lol He finally got it and he was super excited. The rest of the day couldn't have been any better.

Oh the fun the we have

Ebie has for sure hit the terrible 2's. Her attitude is fine but she is getting into EVERYTHING! Nothing is out of her reach and if it takes a chair and her stepping stool she will get what she wants. This month has been the worst though. It started with her writing on herself with marker's...almost everyday because at that point the marker's were within her reach (they along with all other writing tools are now put safely away) Then she found the permanent marker and wrote on everything from my light colored kitchen cupboards, to every wall she could get to and everything in between. Then the worst came when she started to get into our hall cupboards(which have all our bathroom needs in them) and use a full thing of night cream to "wash her hair". I COULD not get it out of her HAIR! The shampoo wouldn't even lather....I had to comb the bulk of it our and try to rub in the rest. She had greasy hair for 2 days. Then just when the marker marks on her body had faded and the night cream was finally out of her hair she used a full bottle of liquid foundation to "wash her hair" with and also wash my hallway floor with and if that didn't look pretty enough she applied pretty mascara all over her face and body. The very next morning she found some body butter to "wash her hair" with. Ugh

BUT the best is when Ebie locked herself in our van while it was still running and then couldn't open the door....long story short we didn't have a spare key, my cell phone was in the van with Ebie, and I didnt want to leave her alone to go ask the neighbor's to use there phone....so I broke the window.

body butter

liquid foundation and mascara

night cream

New baby news..

So I had my blood work done and also an "official" ultrasound done to see when exactly I was due.

Eben and I had somewhat decided before I went to the doc's that I was due around the end of June or first part of July. When I went for my first check up the doc sayed the baby was due May 27th because of the size of the baby ect. The "official" ultrasound is now saying I am due June 21st. Closer to when we had first thought. I don't mind not being as far along because I feel like there i so much to get done so this actually gives me almost another month to prepare and get my more completed (we are in the middle of a remodel)

In other news I did have an abnormal blood screening for down syndrome. More tests will be done and it should be all figured out by the end of the month. This does not scare me one bit. I do get a little scared over my family's and extended families reaction to the news. I don't see a need to bring it up at this time. I do ask for your prayer's that the baby will be healthy and happy.

Still no word on what we are having so I guess we will have to waite another month for that.

It's not so bad after all

I'm sure it's a mixture of hormones/being sick/overworked/and having my kids sick that has made me feel picked on...but that was how I really felt(WAS being the key word).
I made dinner which I guess didn't agree with Miss Ebie and she began to throw up..everywhere. I thought "this is it...I have to leave I have to get away" then a small and adorable little voice sayed "eww disgusting" I looked to see my little girl all covered and I felt for her. I smiled and chuckled and repeated what she sayed which made her smile and repeat it again looking down at her soiled shirt. I washed her off and then made a warm lavender bath with bubbles. She splashed and played with the bubbles and she didn't cry ( the best part of it all). I got her out put on her soft lotion, combed what hair she does have and put some eucalyptus all over her back, chest, feet, and head. She was in heaven and truth be known so was I. I decided the dinner mess could Wait and I called the boys in for a equally refreshing bath. They were so happy and calm. I gave each one of them the rub down with lotion and eucalyptus oil. And when it was all sayed and done I had 4 bathed, happy kids snug in there robes and pj's all sitting by the heater and just...being content. It was then that I knew my life was not so bad. That I needed to make myself happy and comfort myself in the wonderful surroundings of my home and family.

Being a mom isn't the most glamours job but it sure the most rewarding. I am thankful for all of my blessing and more thankful for the chances to see how lucky I really am to be a wife and mother.

Mercy...

I cant take it anymore. Yep I sayed it. I can no longer "do everything".

I have been SO icky sick and more often than not I can't even seem to peel myself of of my bed long enough to get anything done around the house. Laundry piles up, dishes over flow and take up my counter's and toys and books have found every spare spot in my house.

In a desperate attempt to ask for help I broke down and asked my 4 hour husband (I get 4 hours of eben before he falls asleep) if he could possibly help me. He of course sayed yes and we began to plan out ways he could help around the house. Right off the bat he sayes he can now do ALL of the laundry....I laughed and sayed lets start small (he has never done a load of laundry since we have been married...9 years) I asked if he could do the dishes everyday, I also sayed it would help alot if he put his laundry in the laundry hamper (he has a thing with taking off his socks wherever and then hiding them so I wont get mad and tell him to put them in the laundry) I sayed it would also help if you threw your garbage in the actual trash and not shove candy wrapper's and other goodies under the bed, in the couch, and of course the classic...the cupboards??? He agreed to this all and feeling like I had asked him to save the world he sayed "is that enough" this kinda made me mad and I sayed well you could help with dinner. 2 nights a week I thought it he could either pick something up or make something. He agreed and that night he got to work doing the dishes and putting his dirty laundry in the hamper. It was all down hill from there. He did do the dishes...whenever he got around to them or when I asked him to do them. He slowly began leaving his laundry wherever again and he never did attempt to throw his garbage away....and no meals were made or planned. 2 weeks later and 3 dish loads behind ...defeated and annoyed I took back my dishes and assumed my position as "maid".

I'm completely fine doing any kind of house work and I actually enjoy making things look nice. But at this point I can only do so much. Today as my wee ones are all in the middle of being sick with a nasty cold, Ebie, with tear covered eyes put her little arms out and sayed "hold you"? I just cried and picked her up. Where was someone to pick me up and "hold me" and make everything better. Who knew growing up would mean you would no longer have comfort and help when you needed it.