Tuesday, November 1, 2011

what to do?

Well here's the deal, This little girl in my tummy is stuck...yep she is stuck, ever since 20 weeks (maybe before) she has been in the exact position -head up and to the left, bottom down and back outwards with the placenta on my right side more towards the top. She wiggles but she doesn't change positions (very different from my other kids, who were doing back flips and moving EVERYWHERE possible at what seemed to be every waking and sleeping moment.

34 weeks today (going on my 42 weeks normal scale) so in the medical world I am actually closer to 36 weeks, but if you know me you know I am for sure a 42 weeker. And after many mini talks about a possible c-section along with all my other options, my doctor appointment went like this -first ultrasound (baby still in same spot) -then that do not look directly at the the doctor for fear of bursting into tears as he tries to get me to look at what the options really are and what needs to happen now. - realistically looking at the fact that unless I really want to go for a home birth with a breech delivery my options are to get the baby manually rotated up north and then see if she will stay (I am not excited about that one and I am still not sure that's the right thing to do) if she turns though, I will be able to have her at home (which is what I really want) and if she doesn't turn I am left with a c-section.....my biggest and greatest fear of all, it gos against anything I have ever wanted to do during a birth, not to mention the recovery stay of 2-3 days...which is unbearable to even think about and then the recovery from a c-section and dealing with any problems with the baby such as low or high blood sugar because I was not able to nurse her right away and nursing issues in general.

Needless to say I am very very scared. I am not sure what to do at this point, having a baby is a very scary thing in general(for me anyways) but to think of being in the hospital for that long without my kids and hubby makes my heart just ache, that is one of the most special things about delivering at home is that you take a shower in your own bathroom, you use your own toilette, you sit in your own bed holding your sweet little baby and you are surrounded by playing children. And there isn't ANYTHING better than feeling the spirit fill your home when that sweet angel finally arrives, that is a feeling that you can never replace. I am so sad, I know everything will be fine, I don't doubt that, and I know if I pray and ask what I should do heavenly father will tell me or make it known. I'm just not sure I can handle that right now. I want it my way or no way at all :)

So there it is, Momma and baby are both very healthy and doing great, have a wonderful mid-wife and a great doctor. Both support me in whatever I decide and I am grateful for that.

1 comment:

4 Hare said...

I have not had any of my children at home, but I did have 1 by c-section. And by far, it was the better delivery. It was neat and I was able to feed him within an hour so that should not be a concern. Recovery wasn't even as long as my vaginal delivery either. My only complaint, really, was I wasn't able to squeeze back into my jeans as fast as I would have liked....lol Good luck to you!