Got my game face on...

The count down has officially began, it feels like I have been pregnant for SO long! And now that the pregnancy is coming to the end I feel SO unprepared! So today I mean serious business, the notebook came out and my pen and brain went to work.

First plan of action is to light the already roaring fire under my hubby's bum to get the other house done (poor man) he was on the phone for about an hour checking on this and that for my peace of mind, I made him write down what day he would be doing this or that and what materials he needed to pick up (instead of spending a half an hour here and there running to the store and back or having to wait for the next day because the store was closed and he couldn't get the parts he needed to finish up something) I already felt accomplished but I could tell he was just annoyed :)

Second was birthing and baby supplies. I ordered my birth kit and wrote down a shopping list of the other items I would need. I began to be excited/scared/overwhelmed....was I really just gonna have a baby in the next few weeks? SERIOUS! SERIOUSLY? Then I thought about the aftercare items I would need for both baby and me and I remembered the big box of girl clothes that at one point had piles of sizes but after 2 little girls getting into the box it was shoved away all mixed up and now I would not only have to re-wash everything but sort too (not a big deal but when I thought about it I was panicky). Ok so I guess we are having a baby huh? I have to decide on a name for this wee one, I have to come up with an "Eben" name I actually like...ugh I am tempted to just step away from the "Eben" name game but I don't want her to be left out either. Once again I warn those people out their not to do a "theme" with your children's names, not only can you pressure yourself into keeping up with it every child but EVERYONE else will be right there to pressure you too...even if they don't like your theme. But just to be clear the girls were never supposed to be involved with the "Eben theme" but after Ebie(and she was only Ebie after my sister-in-law, who was due at the same time told us she was using the name we had planned on) I felt so much pressure from other's to keep up with the Eben thing.

Next is Christmas shopping. I need to be done with projects(or at least started on them) before baby gets here, I want to hold and cherish the baby without feeling like I need to be doing something else. I also want all of the actual shopping done, because the last thing I want to be doing with a brand new baby is go shopping.

And last is THE MOVE! HOLY cow I am not looking forward to that. I think I am just going to take the basics and have those things in place and if I feel up to it I will bring more and more items over. Sounds complicated huh? My first plan was to take a room over with each load but I had to step back and realize that I am only one person and can only do so much with this very round, very contracting, very LARGE belly of mine so maybe I needed to take it slower. Still not decided.

Notebook pages filled with ideas and time lines makes me feel accomplished but putting everything into action is a whole other thing. I also have to look around at my neglected house, I have to get it under control too...but that doesn't sound very fun ;)

I am feeling great about having everything planned and organized, things just look so much easier on paper and much more manageable than just thing bumping around in my brain.

Life is really good, good kids to keep a smile on my face, good friends, good family, and WERE HAVING A BABY! Life will be great even if my "to-do" list doesn't get done, but it will get done even if I have to paint my house and lay carpet while I am in labor (lol)

And then there was light at the end of the tunnel

FABULOUS news to share! My awesome midwife was able to flip my baby! She is now where she is supposed to be...making my every day life a bit harder (but nothing to complain about)

I can't even begin to say how tough these last few months have been. Between money, houses, extended family stresses and stress about what choice I would be making about how and when the baby would be coming, I thought I could crawl in a hole and die. I don't get down very much, and if I do I can usually pick myself back up within a day or so, but this was hard.

I feel like I can make it...I truly do.

what to do?

Well here's the deal, This little girl in my tummy is stuck...yep she is stuck, ever since 20 weeks (maybe before) she has been in the exact position -head up and to the left, bottom down and back outwards with the placenta on my right side more towards the top. She wiggles but she doesn't change positions (very different from my other kids, who were doing back flips and moving EVERYWHERE possible at what seemed to be every waking and sleeping moment.

34 weeks today (going on my 42 weeks normal scale) so in the medical world I am actually closer to 36 weeks, but if you know me you know I am for sure a 42 weeker. And after many mini talks about a possible c-section along with all my other options, my doctor appointment went like this -first ultrasound (baby still in same spot) -then that do not look directly at the the doctor for fear of bursting into tears as he tries to get me to look at what the options really are and what needs to happen now. - realistically looking at the fact that unless I really want to go for a home birth with a breech delivery my options are to get the baby manually rotated up north and then see if she will stay (I am not excited about that one and I am still not sure that's the right thing to do) if she turns though, I will be able to have her at home (which is what I really want) and if she doesn't turn I am left with a c-section.....my biggest and greatest fear of all, it gos against anything I have ever wanted to do during a birth, not to mention the recovery stay of 2-3 days...which is unbearable to even think about and then the recovery from a c-section and dealing with any problems with the baby such as low or high blood sugar because I was not able to nurse her right away and nursing issues in general.

Needless to say I am very very scared. I am not sure what to do at this point, having a baby is a very scary thing in general(for me anyways) but to think of being in the hospital for that long without my kids and hubby makes my heart just ache, that is one of the most special things about delivering at home is that you take a shower in your own bathroom, you use your own toilette, you sit in your own bed holding your sweet little baby and you are surrounded by playing children. And there isn't ANYTHING better than feeling the spirit fill your home when that sweet angel finally arrives, that is a feeling that you can never replace. I am so sad, I know everything will be fine, I don't doubt that, and I know if I pray and ask what I should do heavenly father will tell me or make it known. I'm just not sure I can handle that right now. I want it my way or no way at all :)

So there it is, Momma and baby are both very healthy and doing great, have a wonderful mid-wife and a great doctor. Both support me in whatever I decide and I am grateful for that.